So I haven’t posted in a while. I was just busy with stuff, got a little lazy, hehe, sorry. Speaking of crazy…

My stupid hubby called me fat again last week, so I decided it was time for me to get into shape, not for him, but for me! I’ll show him who’s sexier! I signed up for Zumba last week! Yay! I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he sees how fit and sexy I become. And maybe I’ll have a hot latin boyfriend too. That’ll show him!

After work I headed straight to the gym for my first Zumba class. It was my very first time inside a gym, and I had to walk by all these sweaty, dirty people lifting weights and grunting, ughhh yuck. It looked like a scene from a prison movie. Oh my God, I wished I was in Planet Fitness instead, not Prison Fitness! I also walked by anorexic people running on treadmills, and I just had to roll my eyes a little. It looks so boring, and the women on those things are sticks! Yuck! They must not have heard of Zumba yet! Wow, I’m really ahead of the crowd.

As I made my way into the dance studio, I felt right at home! Juan, the instructor, immediately greeted me and introduced himself. He was over weight too (you know, for a guy) but he still had some latin charm 😉 All the other women introduced themselves, they were warm and friendly. Before I could meet all of then, Juan turned up the music and everyone got into position for the first set of booty shaking exercises. I love dancing, but this was torture. I thought I could handle this, cause ya know, I’m an expert booty shaker at the club, bumpin’ and grindin’ lol. But with Zumba, I fell over right away, and Juan helped me back up. My hero!!

“Baby, baby come on, pop that ass out, let’s go. Work it like this!” Then he took off his lucky Zumba fedora and put it on my head. I blushed  a little. Somehow it worked, and I was jiggling my ass perfectly, in no time.

zumba instructor with zumba fedora

Juan wasn’t this good looking, but he had the same zumba fedora!

His advice helped a lot, but after a few minutes of shaking my ass, my legs went numb and I fell again, like a sack of mushy potatoes. I wanted to cry, because all the other girls were doin’ just fine with their hip-slides and butt pops, but I was too slow and fat to keep up. Their butts were on fire. What was I to do? How could I compete with my fat, floppy white ass? 😦

Hiding the tears streaming down my face with the Zumba-fedora Juan gave me, I took a seat and watched everyone else finish up their exercises. I tried to smile, and everyone just thought I was taking a very long break.

Once the Zumba session was over and people started packing up their bags, Juan came over to me, and said that I should never give up. He said that I just needed a little more practice, and said I should join him for some extra Zumba lessons. At first I was a little hesitant, it seemed suspicious, you know? But then he said there would be other people there, and that it’s a Zumba Afterparty. I love parties! I agreed right away and packed up my things, then we headed for the parking lot together.

Once we stepped outside, he told me to wait out front. Then he pulled up in a bus. Juan later explained that he’s a bus driver by day, but a steamy Don-Juan Zumba-Zorro at night, I chuckled a little. Inside his bus I tried to sit in the back, but he insisted I sit up front, next to him. He started blasting some weird mexican music that wasn’t quite Zumba, which made me nervous. We drove around for a while, and I started to wonder where we were headed, it was getting late too. He finally pulled over in front of Home Depot. It was closed and all the whole parking lot was empty. Then we got up, he dimmed the lights in the bus, and he wanted me to dance with him to some latin music.

In the center of the bus he started showing me some moves, directing my hips. It was so romantic, I swooned and blushed. I told him he gave me butterflies in my stomach, and then he said it, “Oh yeah, you should be getting some butterflies in your ass too.” I was like,  “Ewwww what?” He told me I needed to “loosen up” to get good like all the other ladies. I pretend to agree, hoping he wouldn’t get more aggressive. So then he showed me some new butt popping moves and one thing led to another, before i knew it, we were having sex. Ughhh how does this happen to me? During sex he was making comments about my “form.” So rude, I wanted to scream, but he had his hand in my mouth, than his short, smelly brown uncircumcised dick. That’s when things got like, a lot less romantic, as he made more comments, “Caliente!! Ci ci, baby, now you are making progress. You’ll be ready for Zumba in no time”

After he came in my butt a few more times, things got quieter, and we were just sitting together, holding each other a little ‘n’ relaxin’. He started telling me how I could become a Zumba instructor. Out of shock and surprise, I stood up, “really, how?!!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?” He assured me that all I needed was to be more passionate and get some more experience, and then that way I could be a good zumba instructor myself one day. I had to take up the offer, my dream was about to come true!!!!

Then there was a knock on the door of the bus. Juan put on a towel and opened the door. I heard a bunch of men speaking mexican outside, and Juan invited them all in, all 12 of them, while I was still naked!!! Ughhh what an asshole. I tried to run into the restroom so I could lock myself inside, but I couldn’t fir through the door 😦  I couldn’t get my self into the restroom, only half of myself. My ass was too big!

Worst of all, I was stuck!!!! The top half of my body was in the restroom, my ass was hanging out on the other side, where all the dirty mexican guys were! OMG!

I yelled out to Juan, “I’m naked, who are these men? PLEASE HELP ME!!!” He said to me that theyre also zumba instructors, and they came to help me train, to help me become an instructor too. But I knew he was lying! How stupid does he think I am? I graduated at the top of my class from Devry!!!!!!!!!!!

I heard foot steps coming closer, and men speaking mexican. I could smell the mud on their clothes. They were construction workers for sure. Anyway, I felt a cold hand grab my ass, and that’s when I started to cry. “nooooo!!!” I heard a man say “Hit that ass, zumba style!” After they all laughed,  I heard them unzip their pants. They all took turns running the train on me. Somehow I did’t see how this was making me a better zumba instructor. I wanted to scream, and I did this time, but no one outside could hear me. The mexicans just thought I was screaming out of pleasure, and that only made the whole experience worse.

I’m so done with Zumba! Never doing zumba again.


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